Two and a half days sober is about the right time to be making big plans for the future, I think. On my cycle into the treatment centre this morning I was drawing up long reading lists of hefty non-fiction, exercise regimes, and plans for charming gifts and letters to delight my friends and family. In short: I am probably going to become the best person - morally, intellectually and physically - there has ever been.
In the clinic, the nurse asked me how I was feeling. 'Surprisingly relaxed and I managed to get a good night's sleep last night' (each time in the past I have tried to stop drinking, sleep tends to escape me til 3,4,5am). Yes, she said, unsurprised, that would be the large quantity of sedative drugs we have been giving you.
Aaah.
So I'm feeling pretty great right now - in a kind of cocoon - and see no reason why I cannot remain on these drugs forever. Replace one substance for another in a heroin/methadone style. However, my dose of Chlordiazepoxide will now be reduced throughout the week to reduce the possibility of addiction - one that people like me have a particular skill at aquiring.
But while I was being grandiose this morning, I know that there are little things I can do each day to build up my life - rather than repeatedly smashing it down like I have done for years. For instance, each day I will read 20 - 30 pages of Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace, the novel that gave this blog (set up when I was pissed) its title but I've always failed to finish. I think I'm also going to start answering my phone when it rings. I heard people do that.
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