It's embarrassing but I've been doing a lot of crying lately. I hope that, rather than this simply being self-pity and wallowing, it's a symptom of growing - the pain of forcing new paths through my synapses instead of turning to alcohol for reward, escape, motivation as I have done for years and years.
I'm also trying to be aware that not everything is about me + drink (or me + no drink). People like to create narratives for themselves, mark a turning point in the plot of their lives after which everything is different - whether that be quitting booze, dying your hair red (I watched six episodes of My So-Called Life last night), finding Jesus or being trapped in a freezer for 48 hours. I once visited my ex and he told me that he'd "barely eaten eggs since we broke up". I was glad that he was using the same unit of time as me.
[I know this song initially sounds really hateable but it turns out I love it]
INFINITE JEST: 795-808
Trapped in a freezer for 48 hours?!! (Love My So Called Life)
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